We are re-releasing the story of Anne Boleyn and her husband, King Henry VIII. Anne didn't 'give' Henry a boy heir (like you can control that), and the Catholic Church wouldn't let them divorce. Instead of I don't know - keeping trying, or buying a boy baby from someone -- Henry decides to destroy his relationship with the Catholic Church, create the Church of England, accuse Anne of having an affair, and have her head cut off. He's a bit much. Re-visit this Tudor Classic with us! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doomedtofailpod Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doomed.to.fail.pod Email: doomedtofailpod@gmail.com
We are re-releasing the story of Anne Boleyn and her husband, King Henry VIII. Anne didn't 'give' Henry a boy heir (like you can control that), and the Catholic Church wouldn't let them divorce. Instead of I don't know - keeping trying, or buying a boy baby from someone -- Henry decides to destroy his relationship with the Catholic Church, create the Church of England, accuse Anne of having an affair, and have her head cut off. He's a bit much.
Re-visit this Tudor Classic with us!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doomedtofailpod
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doomed.to.fail.pod
Email: doomedtofailpod@gmail.com
Pics via Public domain & AI
Some Sources:
Lust, Lies And Empire: The Fishy Tale Behind Eating Fish On Friday
Anne of 1000 Days - the movie
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doomedtofailpod
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod
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Email: doomedtofailpod@gmail.com
Hi Friends! Our transcripts aren't perfect, but I wanted to make sure you had something - if you'd like an edited transcript, I'd be happy to prioritize one for you - please email doomedtofailpod@gmail.com - Thanks! - Taylor
hi Taylor from Dune to fail today we're be relasing episode 5 part one the story of Anne Bolin who was the second of
Henri the E's wives not the first to be doomed he wasn't very nice to his first wife either and learn a little bit more
about who got beheaded who got divorced who changed religions who refused to
change religions um who was exiled all those things just so Henry the E could have an heir um but spoiler alert amolin
her daughter did become Queen Elizabeth so good for her let us know what you
think and I'll see you on the other side in a matter of the people of State of California versus orthal James Simpson
case number ba09 and so my fellow Americans ask not what your country can
do for you ask what you can do for your [Music]
country hello and welcome to doomed to fail the only podcast in existence where
we Advocate not killing your family I'm fars joined by my co-host Taylor and
every week we'll bring you two stories one historical and one true crime of relationships that were doomed to fail
and call out the red flags as we see them Taylor how are you doing today oh I'm good how are you I'm tired we we are
recording this incredibly late for our usual recording schedule because I spent
the entire day moving and uh yeah I'm ready to just kind of collapse great
well I'm glad that we're doing this to wind wind down your day and then you can I don't know watch a movie go to bed
unpack tomorrow yes worry about it today yes and and I also want to call out
thanks to everybody who's been listening and who has been providing feedback especially about my terrible a audio
quality I have no idea how this is going to actually sound once once I upload it but I will say that I now have a much
more professional setup and hopefully it's going to sound a lot better than it did before in the past and you look great we got to work on I'll work on my
podcast face and we can get this on YouTube CU you look very profession um yeah just the mic the mic in the face it
helps um I think in response to response to feedback um this is me talking slow
America I'm really trying hard so you can make me slower by lowering the speed of your podcast yeah Taylor has one
speed and it's fast forward ahead this is me trying this is me trying my absolute [ __ ] best for you right now
absolutely so what is our signature drink going to be this week cool so we have two drinks this week um one of them
is a signature cocktail from South Carolina where our True Crime Story takes place it's sweet tea vodka so you
seep tea bags and a jar of vodka to make the concentrate let it sit for a few hours then when the Vodka gets dark you
can pour it over ice add some lemon juice simple syrup and then add some water or syrup to it as well because
it's going to be just vodka and I told you that I have something to to say about this cuz after college my roommate
and I we bought a brda specifically for filtering shitty vodka through so we
would buy like the worst vodka possible put it through the brle like six times then we put it into jars with like pears
or tea bags or strawberries or like something and let it sit for like a few weeks and then it was freaking delicious
and we just oh probably should be dead because we would drink like a teacup of like vodka that tastes like tea and it
was delicious and um I hear that's really easy to over consume given how it
is yeah because you don't really taste the vodka no it's just like delicious like the peir one was so good you're
like this is juice and you're like no no no no no you just drank a glass of vodka and now you're asleep yeah yeah this so
I looked up the recipe for this and I was surprised at how detailed it was
because I thought it would just be just take some vodka and pour some tea in it
but no right no you're not like mix ing it with like a pre-made like a lipon no you're not you're creating a concentrate
then you know the added syrup and lemon it's it's a whole thing it's a whole thing that's the key it's also the
danger yes yeah as with a lot of things Southern it is a little bit more ornate
than one would assume I can't wait to hear more um um
from the south when you do your story um the drink Well mine's alcoholic too I
try my best but I whatever my drink for this um this episode is mead have you
ever had Mead it's like a sweet wine is it's not the thing Germans make
right where it's no in a Crock poot no that's like a mold wine okay I
have no idea what it is so a me is like a sweet wine that you like Drank In Like medieval times and I had me for the
first time when I was studying abroad in London in grad school and my friends and I went on a tour of the Tower of London
bought a bottle of meat and then drank it on a boat on the temps so that's exactly where our story takes place so
imagine yourself drinking Mead or sweet tea or whatever you want just in regular sweet tea with no no booze and um I will
jump in to talk a little bit about Henry VI e and his his Six Wives love it so
six is a lot of wives we'll talk about maybe one in particular where a big thing happened and a big change happened
but I also want to give a little bit of like background into what we're talking about and where we are so Henry VI e was
born in 1491 and what do you know about Henry VI e an
bin I only know an bin that's it okay and what happened to her she had to have been killed I mean
yes yes she was she was beheaded um so there's a little bit of beheading in this story and lots of blood I promise
violence and I have violence in here but the reason St committed yeah the reason
that we're getting to the violence talking about this is like because Henry VI e couldn't get divorced and there's
some reasons that he wanted to be divorced and we'll talk about those but I was like thinking why can't Catholics
get divorced like God says no but like why like why is that the rule and I went
to collaborative divorc texas.com which has a really actually great history of divorce
and other cultures are okay with it like we talked about with Pocahontas and kocam so who wants like this couple in
the village to be yelling at each other all the time no one so you let them get divorced and who cares in some places
they make it really really hard and I'm like why do they make it hard and so from my like seven minutes of research
on collaborative divorce texas.com and being who I am I think it's just to control women because then if you can't
get divorced then like you don't have to pay back the dowy you don't have have to like apologize for the things that
you're doing to this person you can just like abuse them and everything is fine and you don't have to and I guess it goes both ways but there's no like
admitting to your guilt or anything you just like have to stay married and also they wanted to like
make sure that like they were their that their kids were there they're like adultery is a crime punishable by death
so you have to only be with me and have my kids a lot of this is like thinking about your birth line and being
hereditary related to you know anyone in your line um which is dumb so I wrote
down that this is dumb and I also was thinking about another Catholic theory that I have and I was thinking about why
you can't meet on Fridays when you're a Catholic and I have this theory that is not backed by anything that like it's
probably because the meat would be bad on Fridays and people were getting sick and they were like let's stop let's like
make a reason people not to eat meat on Fridays I don't know if that's true but that's like what I feel like there has to be an economic reason for all these
roles you know that makes sense you know yeah so that's what I'm thinking but anyway economic or
control of others people yeah exactly exactly so I was just like on a rabbit
hole thinking about that and I found an article on NPR called lust lies and Empire the fishy tale behind eating fish
on Friday and there's actually Henry VI e is actually I was just thinking about
that because I was thinking about Catholicism but Henry VI e is actually um tied to eating fish on Fridays so in
before all of Henry VI A's stuff like leaving the Catholic Church you would only you would eat fish on Fridays you
wouldn't eat meat and it was because you couldn't eat anything with a womb for whatever reason really wait that was the
reason that you had to fish yeah and justification yeah that was the
justification yeah and so like in the article they're like I guess you could eat a lizard but like no one wants to do that so they were eating fish I I mean
yeah I didn't know fish I never thought about it me either and I don't
I don't now I'm thinking like well then where do the eggs live I don't know I this is I don't know I don't care this
how you go down rabbit holes whatever so but actually so fish is super easy to take on the road so you
could drive fish and go on the a boat for six months and like e dried Cod for
that whole entire time and so people were doing that and going like you know using it a lot when like you know there
wasn't a lot of um you know other meat available but once the there's so
Catholic holidays where you couldn't eat meat so you ate fish and so after Henry VII left the Catholic church people
could eat meat again and things got really really bad for the fishing industry and they were pissed because
they were like well because if you come down to it people would choose a hamburger over a fish you know and
people yeah people were like oh okay I'd rather do this and so then Henry VI A's son when he becomes king later in our
story brings back the no meat on Fridays to people to help the fishermen um which
I just thought it was interesting and then another thing that I thought was fun is in the 1960s the pope um relaxed
some of the rules on eating fish in and eating meat on Fridays and then that
also was a big blow to the fishing industry so it happens over and over again when like the church makes these
roles and they have like huge economic impacts um and then the fileo fish at McDonald's was
invented just thinking about the F fish I'm so glad up that's literally why it was invented there was a guy who owned a
McDonald's franchise um around in a big Catholic neighborhood and he wasn't getting any business on Fridays so he
made a F of fish so did you know what the precursor to Flo fish was what it was grilled pineapple between e buns
yeah that sounds terrible F I mean I've never had a fle I don't think I want to
have a f of fish so I wanted to my mom loves them and I was like nervous I was
going to like them and like always want one and then I had one with my mom and she was like this is is not the best fliff I should ever had and so she wants
me to try it again because the one I had was not very good yeah I'll get around to it I you know once I've exhausted all
the MC RBS then maybe I'll try a FL fish there's cheese on it which I don't I
don't yeah yeah yeah um so anyway that's a little bit of history about fish in
the Catholic church but there's all these rules so we're in a time period of the world where the Catholic church has
a lot of power and there's a ton of rules so on October 31st 1517 Martin
Luther starts the Protestant Reformation so people were paying the Catholic Church to get into heaven because of
course they were um and at the same this is the same time that all this stuff is happening with Henry VI e and basically
Henry VI e is saying throughout this whole story well I'm the king and God does what I want so whatever I want to
do is what God wants of course he is that's my understanding of the royalty
is that that is kind of the Assumption is that I'm here because I was was chosen to be here yes exactly so he's
going to use that when he's like making his DEC decisions to change some things about the church and then I wrote what
are the differences between Protestant and the church of England and Catholicism and then my next bullet is I
don't care like I don't know I kind of looked it up it's like there's always like matrices of like very like beliefs
that people believe and and whatever so either way there's differences and there's reasons why they people move to
different ones and so people are leaving the church for various reasons so I want to pause here before I actually talk
about Henry VI e and all of his wives this can be like a 9-hour podcast I'm going to do it in like 10 minutes so
we're really going to like rush through these these ladies but these relationships were all all doomed
and I wanted to pause and talk about the royal family in England because while
researching this I was like actually good for you Megan Markle for saying out loud that this shit's dumb because it's
always been dumb but like people haven't said it in a while maybe and like hereditary lines to power are dumb like
even like our most recent Queen Elizabeth she was only in line for the throne because her uncle who was the
first one in line married someone else and had to quit you know I so you do you
know I was born in the UK no yeah I was born in Newcastle England and I had zero
interest or affiliation with anything that has to do with the core
of the UK which is the royal family I never cared don't know I I have no idea
what the genealogy looks like what any of that like who succeeded who because of whatever reason like it's all forign
to me and I I kind of like it I kind of don't think that my brain needs to apply itself towards learning that [ __ ] no
literally who cares it's really dumb and so I mean long story Elizabeth who just died her dad was the king but he was
only the King because his brother who was the king before him wanted to marry a woman who had been divorced and they
wouldn't let him and so he quit being King to marry this like other woman but
like his kids would have been in line then Elizabeth was in line so it's just like any little thing can like move these lines around and whatever so Henry
is like one of the last kings in the house of tutor I don't know what that means it's like very complicated but it's pretty much just like the rich get
richer so the King speech wasn't that guy the one that took over because other
guy wanted to marry the divorce woman yeah yes and then wasn't she a Nazi or something Wallace Simpson I don't know
American okay maybe it was like more he had some Association or affiliation with
or like empathy I don't know I'm I'm probably talking about my ass so like let's not I'm probably gonna cut this
out I no I think that that I think you might be right that is ringing Z Bells because I do know that
like um JFK's dad was the Ambassador to England during that time like during
right before World War II when he was like let's just hear what Hitler has to say come on problem belief you know so
that's not great so possibly possibly but either way it's
all it's all [ __ ] a lot are die [ __ ] cousins and just in Maring and
yeah so many people are about to die like for money it's real Dum but but anyway so here we go so Henry of ath is
actually the second son of King Henry iith he's born in 1491 and his brother Arthur is set to take the throne so
Arthur the older brother marries Katherine of Aragon she's from Spain
she's really young like a teenager and she marries uh she marries Arthur and
that marriage is never consummated and I don't really know why it sounds like they were just young and like didn't
really know again like what to do or were weren't able they weren't able to do it and I believe that because
Catherine of Aragon was very very Catholic and what happens next depends on like her honor and her you her virtue
and all these things so I believe her when she says that that that was not consummated because Arthur dies pretty
young before the marriage was consummated so the King King Henry iith
still wants to have an alliance with Spain because that's really important for money so he marries his second son
Henry to Katherine and they get around that by saying that because the first marriage to Arthur was never consummated
that Katherine can marry Henry and Henry becomes Henry VI eth so much revolves
around virginity and like Purity and it's just like God oh my God so dumb so
she swears up and down she's a virgin it's okay they um so I have a little
timetable so at this point his first wife Katherine she's 24 and Henry VI e is 18 so she's actually older than him
because she had been married to his older brother so she's older than him when they get married and they're married for like 23 years so they're
married for a long time during their relationship they have one child it's a girl boo girls no one wants a girl and
it is Mary and Mary becomes like Mary Queen of Scots
Bloody Mary the one that will that is like in the history books for wanting to keep like Ireland and Scotland and parts
of the UK of the UK whatever Catholic so her mom was very Catholic Mary's very
Catholic she is the first daughter of Henry VI but there's no s bloody so this is
the Mary that you can say Bloody Mary in the mirror three times and she shows up no that's like a weird ghost but Bloody
Mary is like the violent Queen they just have the same name I
don't think it's like Mar Scots that comes up in the mirror I think it's like someone else I might be
confusing this with Candyman H so good think we can we talk
that H I think candyman's a love story we can talk about that later it is oh for sure it is yeah yeah same page we don't even have to argue this great
great I didn't see the second one but I will so he's married to Katherine of
Aragon she's he's the king she's a little bit older and he needs a son and
he's like why won't God give me a son why won't my dumb wife give me a son why can't she just do it like that's
possible to just like be like oh I'll give you son I choose Sun this time but the the part that's confusing is that
they all need daughters for these alliances so why are they pissed when they have daughters it's true and he's like I don't want to talk to her and
you're like why like I watched a movie from the 60s called an of a thousand days with Richard Burton playing Henry
VI e and it's real good and like real dramatic but he definitely is like I will never talk to this daughter I hate
her you're like but you're right they need to have daughters anyway because they have to like sell them off yeah and like yeah shortsighted these people are
very shortsighted agree so he's super upset he wants a son um he's obviously in the meantime having a bunch of
Affairs and as we'll see that adultery is punishable by death unless you're him
of course like he can do whatever he wants but like the woman would is for death so he gets a woman named Mary
Bolin pregnant um guess who Mary Bolin is I can't hear you oh I muted myself on
accident okay I think that would be an's sister it's her sister so he gets her
sister pregnant she's like one of his Mistresses which is super gross and he also gets another and so she has a
son actually named Henry KY but he doesn't really want to marry her and he couldn't marry her anyway because she's
not a virgin which is so dumb because you're like it's it's your fault hold on who hold on who wasn't a
Virgin Mary Bolin because she was having an affair with Henry he didn't want to marry her and he was already married and
all these things so he didn't like take that extra effort to marry Mary Bolin she just had like a best her child and
so didn't she had to have been a virgin even if she was a virgin when they
started hooking up I think it's like a little bit of that actually maybe a little bit more of like he was already
married and didn't want to go through all the H of like legitimizing this child which I don't really know why yeah
all right it sucks to be mared Bolan it's just I think that's a takeaway yeah
sounds like sucks to be married to this guy or in his orbit it sounds like yeah and I feel like a red flag is like if a
dude got your sister pregnant and abandoned her he's not a good match yeah yeah that's that's that's a big red flag
he also Henry also has another son with another mistress And that son is also named Henry another Henry Fitzroy and
that's the only one he acknowledged for whatever reason but he became like a duke or something but wasn't in line to be king because he
wasn't an official child so he's definitely like out there like having
babies but he's sick and tired of having no Sons with his wife and he the only thing he can do is get it in old because
he's can't get divorced because of the Catholic church and they really won't let him like do anything so all of a
sudden he's like I'm sure that Katherine sleo with my brother when they were married and that she' been lying to me
for 23 years so because of that he can say that makes Katherine of Aragon his
sister because she slept with his brother and that makes it incest and that makes it un nullable that is so many leaps in logic
so many leaps and so dumb but he actually gets gets it um ends up leaving
the Catholic Church to be able to officially just make it a divorce cuz the church won't give him an analment cuz they're like that's dumb and they
won't give him a divorce because they don't do divorces so this is when he starts the Church of England and becomes head of the church specifically so he
can get divorced and that's like the eighth grade history the ego the fact that you could start your
own religion and get people to kind of convert over to he's a cult leader he's almost a co- leader yeah absolutely and
all similarly so many people are going to die and he gets asleep with everyone he's exactly a co- leader yeah exactly
yeah so poor Catherine is like this is BS like I never that's not true it's my
virtue but she gets kind of exiled back to where she came from and until her death She's like I'm I'm the rightful
Queen of England and she wants her daughter Mary to you know go back and Rule and make England Catholic again
which she does in some way shape or form via violence
so now that he can get a divorce and I'm thinking like why is he doing this like
this is crazy it's so much work and so much violence and it's just because she
can't have a son and he really really needs one like he really really needs that legitimate son
or you know he's going to lose his line and lose his like airs to the throne so
he can't like he has to have his illegitimate son so he has like really no other choice
so he meets a lady in waiting before he gets divorced of course um it's Mary
bolin's sister an Bolin so an Bolin is really like the reason that he did all of this because he he wanted to marry
her and and not be married to Katherine of Aron anymore so Anne Bolin she was
like of like mid-level status she spent some time in France comes back to to England the king like falls in love with
her you know whatever that means and eventually like maybe she loves him too maybe it's a power thing and by the time
they get married she's already pregnant with his baby but it's like okay because he's divorced so
yeah yeah a lot you have to do for this so she has a people in England are mad
because actually really loved Katherine they saw how devout she was like what a good wife she was so they're pissed and like annoyed that he's married to an an
is either 32 or 26 when they get married it's like not clear how her exact date
and Henry is 42 so if she's 32 and he's 42 I feel like that's fine yeah that's
reasonable yeah so they get married and she's pregnant right away and she has
guess what baby kind of baby she has uh I would assume inbred well fine but it's a
girl so which we don't like obviously we have another girl and her name is Elizabeth and Elizabeth is actually
going to be Queen Elizabeth like the first Queen Elizabeth and a whole bunch of crazy stuff happens with her that is
a whole other story so can I interu right here yes please so there's been
female monarchs yeah like why do you have to
have a son if you're the king because as we just you just explained
your daughter could also be the head of state right and she does become that but
I guess I don't know if that was the rule before this maybe before this it was all just all sons and then they
changed it and maybe this is impetus for changing it because you'll see later that they like have to change it they have to give it to Elizabeth if that was
the case then it kind of does track given like where Humanity was at that point in time that it was easier to
invent a church to try and get a divorce than it was to change the rules and let
a female be the head of state exactly so I wanted to bring this up later but I'll
bring it up now I'm a Disney Channel they have speaking of Disney I'm a Disney Channel they have these like
really funny five minute videos of Olaf from Frozen retelling fairy tales and
it's like just him and he plays all the characters and it's really funny and he does Aladdin and in Aladdin he's talking
about how Jasmine can't be can't be the ruler because she's a woman and he goes he's like well it's too bad your dad
can't change the rules that he literally made up yeah like of course that's exactly the point
yes yeah so he has still has a son he has Elizabeth and Elizabeth and her half
sister Mary later will will start a bunch of Wars about um religion but not yet for now um an is trying to have
another baby but tragically there's a bunch of miscarriages and some still born babies so she does give birth to a
son but he is is born still born and right now I'm thinking
like why wouldn't she just buy a baby from
someone like when don't you do that if like if you're like I all I have the only thing I have to do is make a son why don't I just like find another white
dude and buy a baby from him and pretend it's mine you're making out you're
you're kind of doing like a Henry VI a situation here where you're making a lot of leaps and judgment and assumptions
here of like there is somebody out there who's like transacting babies
and and also like what happens because you in theory have either faked a
pregnancy at that point or you actually are pregnant then you got to dispose of that baby it just gets really complicated it feels like
I guess I guess you're right I guess that makes sense it does it is also more Game of Thrones because you know how in
Game of Thrones there always these like babies but you're guaranteed somehow to have your dad's hair color color in Game of Thrones oh yeah for sure for sure
like but like um Elizabeth and Henry the eth actually both have red hair
so I guess you just find a another Ginger and be like this one is yours Henry you know whenever you were
describing his plan on getting a null the whole incest
thing I forgot for a moment that we're talking about a king and so this was not
somebody just sitting around like waxing poetic on his own this was probably a team of like the most elite members of
society trying to divise way yeah you could probably you could
probably bring that tag team back together to figure out how to sell a child and buy a new
one yes so now I'm back I'm she said I could go either way but I feel like
maybe she tried and it didn't work out but either way she never has a boy and Henry's like this is this is [ __ ] I
have to leave he's already like um eyeing someone else one of um one of her ladies in waiting and so now he wants to
divorce and but he's embarrassed a little bit he's like we have to get divorced like this isn't going to work
and she won't do it but he charges her with having a bunch of Affairs and in
one of the podcasts I listen to about her life they were saying that totally had all the all these Affairs but I don't believe that cuz that would
literally be life or death for her you know so I feel like I would feel like she'd be more likely to buy a baby than to have an affair because as you'll find
out like she gets killed for having an affair that she didn't even have so he yeah he spoiler alert and dies so he had
he accused her having an affair and he wants a divorce and or like an
anman because of that and she won't do that because if she does then Elizabeth is out of line to be Queen so if they
get divorced or aned then that like Del legitim legitimizes I don't know
legitimatized their marriage legitimizes legitimate whatever so if they do that
then Elizabeth is no longer in line for the throne and she won't do that so they
accuse her of adultery they they uh declare that she's guilty and her and
and like five dudes who are accused of having an affair with her including her brother are all executed wow the dudes
are executed by Axe and then Henry does one favor for her and gets a fancy fresh
French executioner to use a sword and do like one swift why is that a favor
because otherwise it was like an English dude hacking your head off oh so it was GNA take a lot longer yeah got it yeah
so we got the top executioner to do it so an dies and the next day Henry gets
engaged to one of her ladies in Waiting Jane Seymour so I always think it's hilarious that James zmore is also the
name of the actress who plays Dr Quinn Medicine wom I was going to say that sounds so familiar isn't that like it's
just weird that's her name and then there's also this James zmore in history but third wife Jane Seymour Henry is you
know allegedly in love with her she does have a son so this is his his son um
Edward he he will be King Edward I 7th eventually or the sixth oh my God Roman
numerals I wrot the six later so it's plague time so the people don't really get a lot of time with uh with Jane but
she's around and they seem to like her she's a very beautiful wife and unfortunately after she has Edward she
dies a couple months later from complications of the birth so that's another thing of like having babies is
really hard even now but even then it was just like awful and disgusting it was probably an infection um that ended
up killing her so that must have been really painful and awful so Jane dies and Henry's sad but he needs to make
more babies he's have that backup son he's that space so he already has one and he marries a woman named an of
cleaves so Ann of cleaves is his fourth wife and let's look at this my thing so
when he married Jane Seymour she was 28 and Henry was 45 so we're starting to see a little bit of a gap an of claves
when they get married is 25 and Henry's 49 so that's a little gross yeah so um
an doesn't speak English she only speaks German but she
is um brought by Henry's adviser Cromwell and sets them up and eventually Cromwell will die because Henry doesn't
like this marriage and so he kills is like one of his oldest friends because of this but that marriage was never
consummated between Henry VII and an of cleaves and it's for a couple reasons that people think it was one he just
like couldn't do it because he was old ER and starting to you know lose his
veracity and you say 48 yeah but he's also like really overweight and like it was the 1500 so I
feel like I don't know 48 is probably like 82 yeah yeah it's he not great he's
not he's not great at this time and she's doesn't really know what's going on either so they definitely had a thing
where like she was like oh he kissed me and her ladies in the waiting were like that's not going to do it hun like
that's not gonna we're not going to make me be that way I I read a thing about him forever ago that I don't know it's
if it's true or not but I heard that towards a latter stages of his life he was so overweight that they had to create these mechanical devices to just
move his body around like he wasn't able to like actually be ambulatory on his own he definitely has an infection from
like a hunting accident in his legs and his legs produce so much puss he has to wear a different pair of pants every day
oh God so much detail so [ __ ] gross so he's not in like the Pinnacle of
Health at this moment and so he uses his
poll and says I need this marriage unold because I'm not going to they have she very wait Taylor
pause it was cutting out the audio was it's choppy okay is it back yeah yeah it's
back you like go back to after the puss thing okay so they now Henry wants this
marriage an old because he's like we're not having sex we're not going to have a baby I don't think she's very pretty I don't really like her she doesn't speak
English and she she was this I know okay um there's a story that like
maybe the the painting he got of her was like a little bit generous so he was like this isn't what I
expected and oh that's right he would have gotten a painting of her that's you know like he like didn't know you get a
painting and be like I guess this person looks fine yeah I'll marry them and
he also she was engaged when she was like six is like another like political
thing and he used that as a a reason for the inment as well because he was like
she you know wasn't she was never mind to begin with whatever so that one actually got analed and that divorce analed and he gave he gave Anna cleave
some money and she got to live out her life she actually became good friends with him afterwards like once their
marriage was over they became friends and she was you know really good friends with his children as well so she's kind
of in the picture later she wants to marry him again and they're like he's like no nah not really but why an is
just like around um so now he needs to marry someone else
and he wants to marry someone like smoking hot to prove that he can like have sex with someone so he finds another lady in waiting and her name is
Katherine Howard so she's his youngest bride she's 16 and he's 49 when they get married so that's gross Katherine Howard
is very pretty she has a history of flirtation so she allegedly went to this
um all girls school when she was very young that had reputation for like letting boys sneak in at night you know like Teenage stuff and she doesn't have
any kids with him they're not married for very long and she probably does have an affair with one of his guards named
Thomas cool pepper so Henry finds out and he's pissed and he doesn't want to be made a fool again so he charges her
with adultery and there's some people who confess that they've seen her with Thomas and so everyone gets their head
cut off um Katherine her friends who were like her the Witnesses on the stand
Thomas's head gets cut off and it gets put on the London Bridge on display which is
fun that is fun Taylor you know like that's fun so they're all they're
they're dead that's the last one that's the fifth wife and then his final wife her name is Katherine Parr she is so
this means he's married of all his wives 50% are Catherine 33% are Anns and 170%
are jeans so he just weared like a lot wearing a lot of Catherine and kin par
is a widow she's been married two times before not seven like that song and she
was involved in the education of Henry's children she was very smart she published books on prayer I think she's one of the first women in England to
publish a book so super smart and when he went traveling he would leave her in charge they were never going to have
kids cuz at this point well she was an old made at 31 and he was 52 so they
probably weren't going to have any kids but he wanted to like have a companion so he was married to her so by this time
I wrote he's leaking he's not doing well and there's other I mean obviously
during this whole story there's like huge political things happening that I'm not even talking about we're talking about like this man's desire to have an
air and his desire to continue to be king So Henry dies in 1547 he leaves her
money so he leaves his last wife Katherine some money and she marries Jane Seymour's brother so Jane
Seymour the wife who had died after child birth her brother marries Henry the's sixth wife
and it's a CED that she really loved him and like that's this was a person that she had actually wanted to marry this is
her fourth marriage because her first three husbands died and it sounds like that'd be really fun except it does
sound like that they got Eliz Queen Elizabeth as a child to um look after
her and the husband wants to marry her so he like molest slash courts her when
she's very young um while he's married to Jane which is terrible and she um
Elizabeth has like tons of problems growing up and a lot of it probably is because of this abuse that she suffered at this time living with her dad's um
like widowed wife and her step uncle it's very confusing so it's so I mean
that's the thing that okay so this is why like I said earlier I never go deep
or have gone deep on royalty and royal families is because it's so weirdly interconnected it's like this
guy is [ __ ] like related to that guy and his sister married that Uncle and the cousin and it's just yeah just
confusing yeah and then either way poor Jane does does die at the age of 36 she
gets pregnant which is a surprise because she's 36 and um she dies after
child birth as well because having babies is awful yeah and so she does from that eventually too and so I mean
the moral of the story is what happened is there's no moral but what happened is Henry VI needed an air and he did
anything he could to get it so his son that he his Edward his son did become king when Henry the E died he was only
King for a few years and then he died he was a teenager when he died and then his sister Elizabeth became Queen because
she was officially the next in line because Mary was not because their parent her parents had gotten divorced
so um the good news is Anin did get executed for a reason she
knew why she was doing it and she was doing it so her daughter could become Queen and she did so she got what she
wanted like later in life so good for her except she died really young and and tragically
and yeah do you think that when your head gets cut off that you are still awake
for like a couple seconds I hope so I hope so I mean I don't know I think that's
probably the better way to be killed isn't it I mean it sounds Swift when it's
Swift I don't like the whole hacking at your neck thing that you mentioned earlier yeah I hate that do you do you
think that if you were in that POS do you think the people who were royalty
those in those days do they ever have moments where like why am I doing this like I could just like sell fish like
how much how hard would it be to sell fish nobody's trying to kill me nobody's trying to poison me I don't have to be executed because I'm not having Sons
like I don't know I feel like I I feel like a simpler life would be
preferred yes and no I feel like now you can easily be like Prince Harry and be
like I'm going to go live in LA and like calm down but I think then if you weren't like in the court you were like
living in a pile of [ __ ] yeah yeah you know like London was like disgusting and
it was like plague time and so I don't know I feel like there was there was a
big jump between a regular person and royalty like bigger I mean now it's a huge jump but I feel like even then it
was like even worse yeah but I don't know I mean
the reason Game of Thrones is as popular as it is is the sheer Intrigue and [ __ ] that goes on it's just like a
byproduct of being in that position it's just it's fascinating because all the stuff that's happened that happens like
I mean minus the the dragons and like other magical things it's all stuff that's happened and like we're super
fascinated I think as like a um right now in our media with like Medieval Time
living I mean there's Game of Thrones there's the Lord of the Rings that are kind of like medieval AG I watched all
of Willow which was a delight there's you know it's always something that you want to to feel it's like courtly thing
my husband was watching Star Trek and it kind of felt courtly like there were like kings and queens and all those
stuff so I don't know people love that [ __ ] I amum recently there so recently
these Markets started up in Austin that I now regularly attend and they witches
markets and it has the air of a Renaissance Fair it's it's so fun it's
just people go yeah people just make stuff and they show up and they have little booths and then yeah like this
this necklace is from a witch's Market yeah 15 bucks what's suppos to do
supposed to do something no it's tiger's eye it's supposed to just be like a good luck thing oh yeah I have some I have
some crystals here yeah this black one that's supposed to like Cal me down and like help me
Focus like I don't like obviously like why would I sustem my belief to believe that this could do this when I'm like
very mad about belief in general but I don't [ __ ] know so I'm just hanging out with my crystal I got I got a big
Crystal too from the witches Last Wishes thing I love it I want to go next time that sounds really fun hey you brought
up Megan and Harry I probably have a controversial opinion about that what is
it like you know what the [ __ ] you're getting into I know and it's like and it's like it's not the role of a spouse
to like show up and just derail everything that you have known in your
I'm not saying that I'm not saying that it's good I'm not say like defending the royal family by any means but like if
I'm if I'm married into like a old timey family that was
like that's just how they've that's all they've known and it's like no you're gonna change how you're going to be and
this like who are you like I I totally agree I felt that way until yesterday
when I like maybe I'm leaning 20% on her side but I'm like yeah this is is kind of dumb and like it's about how it ended
so like if you can be a part of that ending after all these like hundreds of years and like millions of people dying
for no reason then like that's great so I kind of felt a little bit on her side for just a second yesterday but most of
the time I feel like that like Kate Middleton understood the assignment yeah you just like be pretty and do charity
work happen I feel like she did like a disservice to her husband which is like abandoned like be outcast from
everything you know because like because Diana his his mom was also like their their family was
also of royalty of some kind like it wasn't a coincidence that him and her
and the [ __ ] doofus looking guy whatever the king now got together like there was a reason for that like they
were intent anyways whatever like Henry the a waves like that's why it's like all for like political purposes and like
all these things and like very silly and I I I'm I'm going to try to flip
my my skep skepticism to being to enjoying what Megan's doing CU I'm like [ __ ] these guys you know yeah yeah I'm
okay with it but I wasn't until yesterday when I was thinking about all this stuff and I was like man if ambolin could have like had a podcast she'd be
like the [ __ ] is going on the [ __ ] is yeah Amin don't get married to try and
change that person try yeah 100% 100% um
awesome thank you for that um I do want to call it the fact that I feel a little
bit low energy today given the fact that I spent all day moving and so I will um
try to liven myself up as I start speaking okay I'm ready moving sucks yes
don't it sucks all right hope you enjoyed that
story of an Bolin