C'est l'heure! It is time! Napoleon, the world-changing film comes out this week, and we are here to get you prepped! Join Taylor as we go through the basics, like Napolean was not from France, he was from Corsica (which was taken over by France the year he was born, but still). He was also anywhere from 5'2 - 5'7 when the average French dude was 5'4 -- at the same time George Washington was 6'2... Anyway, height doesn't matter (cough, cough, looking at you current Republican candidates for president)! It's so fun! HE CROWNS HIMSELF IN NOTRE DAME IN FRONT OF THE POPE - literally puts the crown on his own head! And he's 35!!! Many people died. Join us & Let us know what you think about the movie! Avec waterslide!! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doomedtofailpod Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doomed.to.fail.pod Email: doomedtofailpod@gmail.com
C'est l'heure! It is time! Napoleon, the world-changing film comes out this week, and we are here to get you prepped! Join Taylor as we go through the basics, like, Napolean was not from France, he was from Corsica (which was taken over by France the year he was born, but still). He was also anywhere from 5'2 - 5'7 when the average French dude was 5'4 -- but like, at the same time George Washington was 6'2... Anyway, height doesn't matter (cough, cough, looking at you current Republican candidates for president)!
It's so fun! HE CROWNS HIMSELF IN NOTRE DAME IN FRONT OF THE POPE - literally puts the crown on his own head! And he's 35!!! Many people died.
Join us & Let us know what you think about the movie!
Avec waterslide!!
PBS 4 part doc
Napolean - J christopher Herold
Dan Carlin - History under the Influence
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/
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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod
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Email: doomedtofailpod@gmail.com
Hi Friends! Our transcripts aren't perfect, but I wanted to make sure you had something - if you'd like an edited transcript, I'd be happy to prioritize one for you - please email doomedtofailpod@gmail.com - Thanks! - Taylor
[Music] in a matter of the people of State of California versus orthal James Simpson case number ba09 and so my fellow
Americans ask not what your country can do for you ask what you can do for this
computer okay we are recording we are live it is a rainy Sunday in Austin it
is a sunny Thursday in Palm Springs Taylor how you doing today it's not it's not
Thursday right time zones do not change the days of the week is that
correct not by like four days um no it is a very it is sunny but
it is very windy my my husband and his dad just went to Home Depot to get some
boards because we're like building this Big Shed in the backyard that's like 12 feet tall and it is not done and it is
not standing up straight uh yall are doing this yourself
no we have a contractor but he's a maniac so he's like hasn't been here in like a month um and he is essentially
he's allegedly on his way but he's a crazy person so who knows contractor is a loose term everything I um yeah it's a
guy who for some reason always has like chickens in chicken wired fence in his
truck back of his truck but yeah I will say that a secret skill of mine is I am
a master concrete pourer so really if y'all need to just knock this thing down
and pour a New Foundation all I ask is that you pay for my plane ticket book me
in a four star hotel we don't have any okay for weekend and offer me a $200 per DM and
I'll be there and I'll will pour the concrete for you let me consider that
gener offer of yours yep yep yep yep run by w let let me know what you think um
so we are oh sorry we're doom to fail intro this is welcome to Doom to fail
I'm fars joined here by Taylor we are covering two stories one historic One
True Crime that has to do with two things that came together that were doomed to fail or anything else actually
at all because we have no premise that is consistent within this Show's theme
that's I love it great good nailed it perfect and today usual we are going to
split this episode up and Taylor's going to go first and Taylor give me a hint of
what you're going to cover I want to play a game you want to play a game yes you're
GNA hint at what you're going to cover and I'm gonna do my guesses oh sure sure
sure sure um I am covering something that is mainly one
person who is very very famous who has a
very very very big movie coming out on Wednesday um you can't see my face we
turn off our cameras but I'm are you making a contemplated face okay you are good thank
you U okay so the very very F okay very very famous my my drink my my themed
drink is champagne but not like prco like champagne because it has to come from
France okay so we're dealing with a very famous French person
we um okay he it's a he he is a a a general Napoleon turned
Emperor yes [ __ ] nailed it that was so easy yes um I was like doing something
else and then I was like holy [ __ ] when does Napoleon the movie come out and then I was like holy [ __ ] it comes out
on November 22nd so I got to ride this bandwagon and I shifted and I learned a [ __ ] ton about Napoleon in the past four
days that sounds like a lot to do in four days it is and I definitely don't know
everything and I have yelled a water slide a thousand times at my family this week do you remember that from Bill and
Ted's Excellent Adventure definitely not they so they go Bill and teds have
you saw that right from the no '90s what okay so Bill in Bill and Ted's EXC
Adventure they go back in time and meet a bunch of famous people like and uh Abraham Lincoln and they call sakres
Socrates it's the best but they meet Napoleon and Napoleon comes back to their to like the 80s in in um
California and they have a water park called waterl and he like loves it and
it's like there's there's a scene of him like in his hat like just going on these water slides and just having a great
time and then he goes back in time to his his time period and he is like
showing people of Battlefield and he's like a water slide which means with water slides because he loves water
slides now it's hilarious yeah super fun um so yeah so let's talk about Napoleon
how much do you know about Napoleon um I know we named a complex after him I
know that he really didn't like America um
um didn't he isn't he the general that fought us or fought no he's the no he's the one
who supported us against the English uh that was a little bit before him but um let's get into it yeah are
you done asking questions I am I am in the past four days I read a book
called Napoleon by J Christopher Harold and I watched a four-part documentary on PBS about Napoleon it's from like
the early I don't know it's from like the '90s it's terrible it's like just like really poorly produced but like has
a lot of information so there's that and then also there's a Dan Carin that I'm going to reference later because I have some interesting things to discuss with
you about Napoleon sweet I'll put that in there um we could if we were really talking about our premise say we're
doing Napoleon and Josephine since they're one of the like Doom to fail couples that comes up when you Google that so we will talk about them a little
bit but a couple things just to tell you about Napoleon before we get started he
obviously there were tons of wars in Europe because of Napoleon the total
deaths from the Napoleonic Wars which is not even it's like two decades of War
ran for people who were like in the Army and in the different armies of the
different countries that he was fighting 2.5 to 3.5 million people died and then
C civilian deaths were anywhere from you know a million to three million as well
so a [ __ ] ton of people died because of Napoleon yeah um another thing about him
is he was not French he was born in Corsica which is not France I'll tell you what that means later uh yeah it is
now but it's like kind of an independent Island I'll tell you about in a second and then the last thing is about his
shortness so some parts of the internet tell me he was 5'2 some parts of the
internet tell me when he died he was 5'7 which I like don't believe and and they also tell me the average French man was
5'4 which seems wild I didn't look this up like how tall French guys are now but
like George Washington has a very similar timeline as Napoleon he's a little bit older but
he was 6'2 you know so like it's a huge difference but I would I would guess
that being Americans like we give top billing to people you know it's like the
wrestling thing where it's like you know Stone Cold Steve Austin is 69 and 430 lb
no he's actually like 220 and like six you know you know mean like maybe it was one of those things that's fair that's
fair we so my father-in-law was talking about it but we were laughing about disantis and his heels oh my God it was
so cute becauseum doesn't Trump say 64 exactly that man is
OB he's the shortest 64 person I've ever seen in my life he's not 64 he's also
he's got the same shoe manufacturer as the Santas oh my gosh it's so funny yeah so like you know exactly exactly that
point we're still trying to make ourselves taller right no matter for like no reason what um how tall are you
uh I'm at least 6'1 but sometimes when I wear my boots I'm like 63 nice your he yeah I'll bring I'm
gonna bring the the boots to um the wedding in North Carolina so that I'm I'm like powering over
everyone nice I love it thank you um so okay so here we go so this teeny tiny
corsac thought he was a Roman Emperor and he was power hungry and I also wrote
he was also water slide hungry anyway if you get it you'll get it and I'm gonna say it 100 times um and let's learn
about him before we watch Wen Phoenix's world changing performance starting
Wednesday um so Napoleon was born in Corsica where is Corsica what are you
it's an island you're right it's next to Italy it's between France and Italy so if you imagine the Italian boot it kicks
Sicily then Sardinia then Corsica so Cora is really kind of high up there between France and Italy but it was its
own like little thing when Napoleon was born and
it was there were about 120,000 Shepherds living on Corsica not really a
warlike people and France was kind of coming for them because it was a good
strategic spot between you know Italy and France when Napoleon's mom was
pregnant with him they the family had to like hide in the mountains of Corsica because the French were coming in and
like attacking and taking over which is kind of crazy she did that while she was pregnant with him and he was born on
August 15th 1769 Napoleon Bonaparte and they called
him I'm petite boy you know damn little that's damn French um yeah but they kind
of they didn't speak French spoke corsan which is kind of like like you said a little bit Italian and French but eventually obviously he speaks French so
France is now in charge of Corsica he's living there with his family he's a child obviously his mom had eight kids
she was pregnant 16 times but had eight children kind of lived to adulthood and he loved his mom a lot he was definitely
a mama's boy which is how you make either serial killers or presidents that's it there's no in
between for for a mama's boy you know interesting and
his dad was like I [ __ ] love this I love the French I'm in so the French
took over Corsica and his dad was super into it he loved it he started wearing French clothes speaking French he was
like let's do it let's be let's be French now so he sent and to Napoleon at the age of nine to France on a
scholarship to a military school which is very young to leave your family and go to a different country where you
don't speak the language you know and he was bored in military school but he moved moved up pretty quickly you know
he was able to like do his work and and all all the things and so he around 20
During the Revolution do you remember the revolution in Paris that we talked about who was in charge then and who died that was Henry
[Music] the nope he's British This was um Maran tette and her yes and Louis the 16th but
close we did talk about that too but he was in Paris the day that he wasn't
there I don't think when Mar Antonette and King Louie were were actually killed but he was there the day there was that
Riot I don't know if you remember where they cut off the princess Dal Ball's head who was Maran tet's friend and like
ran around the city with her head on a stick and like left her naked body in the street to be like kicked do you
remember that I mean they had to be kind of fun if you're like a if you're growing up in like a small exciting day
yeah like if you're like a little island kid you know like that would be a fun day I literally I wrote yes I wrote how
[ __ ] exciting super exciting to be there that day we're so gross so so he's in he's in the middle
of it he's young but the revolution is happening Napoleon goes back to Corsica and he gets kicked out because they're
trying to be independent again and he was pretty much French now you know they were like eh like we don't really feel like you're corsan anymore we feel like
you're French so he said you know what it's better to eat than to starve better to choose the side that's going to win
so now he's French and he went back to France and stayed there in 1793 his mom
and his siblings they're all banished from Corsica because he's French so he has to take care of his family now I
think his dad might be dead by this point or he's GNA die soon so he really has like all the siblings and his mom to
take care of in France so he needs to you know get a job and do that so he's in the army during the French Revolution
he sent a ton to fight the British he won a bunch of things and started to get
promoted and started to move up really fast which is like weird because people were were even at this time like he's a
little weird you know he's like kind of small and in all the paintting there's so many paintings of him but all the
paintings of him from this time he has like this weird long hair and these like weird bangs kind of like a mullet which
is I don't know maybe that was the style of them but everybody else around him seems to be wearing like powdered wigs I
was going to say that might have been the style yeah but he I feel like it doesn't look like everybody else has that style
but I think it might be like a youthful style you know I mean he definitely stood out in history so that makes
sense yeah totally and maybe they I mean there's a bunch of paintings of him who knows who actually painted them or how
far away they were from the thing that actually happened but he he does cut his hair eventually but in this point like he's just like kind of like long haired
and he looks like a boy basically which he is he's like 22 you know and like moving up in the Army yeah so he
continues to be French the revolution is over robes Pierre is dead blah blah blah
he's 26 and he gets another promotion to Commander general of the interior and he lives in Paris and he's like very fancy
now he has this fancy ass life in Paris you know the revolution is is over they're trying to figure out the
government and he he has you know money now he can take care of his family how did he earn his way into
that he's already a bunch of talented and good yes yes the impression that I got from
Reading really fast and watching a documentary really fast is that he did things that other people wouldn't
necessarily do he would like run into battle he was always with his troops in
battle he would surprise people in a way that they never been surprised before and this is also like an interesting
time in military history again me knowing very little about military history but
like this is happening at the same time as the American Revolution and do you remember learning about the American
Revolution how like George Washington would like sneak up on people in the middle of the night that had never been
done before it was like Napoleon is like kind of the last Wars that are like these formal Wars where you have the
fancy hat and you have like a guy with a drum you know all those all those things and you like announce that you're coming
and in a lot of spaces you were supposed to just like my Army and your army would
to your walk towards each other yeah yeah and then sometimes you would and sometimes you would stop and you'd be like okay cool I see that you have like
you know 10,000 more men than me why don't we call it and you can have this this part of my country you know but p
and like wouldn't stop he would keep going okay so his talent wasar recklessness and okay fearlessness got
it yeah exactly he would like be persistent he would go places where he didn't go so now he wants to have a family he's
26 he definitely is like you know messing around with like you know sex workers and and all the things that you
would do but he his first love is Josephine so that's his big love that
you know would be the Doom to fail relationship ship if that's what we're talking about Josephine's actually from martinque which is the island of the
Caribbean that we have talked about before and she's a widow she has two kids she's 32 he's you know in his late
20s she's deep in debt so she needs to get married and have someone to help pay off all of her debt she also is like a
mistress to a couple really high up people and it sounds like maybe they wanted to kind of get rid of her or you
know have her take her off of off of their hands so they get married in the
beginning it's like about money he doesn't have as much money as she thought that he did but they end up like they end up being pretty happy together
and it sounds like at some point they love each other which is the best you can hope for really that's all you can hope for these
days and any day almost kind of sort of liking your partner is like the best anybody can have 100% yeah like you you
win so Napoleon gets sent to the Alps to command the French army in Italy and
this is exciting because he is going to walk over the Alps like Hannibal did you know a
thousand years ago he's going to get to Austria and people are kind of making fun of him at this point because they
think that he got the job because kind of a trade-off for taking Josephine off of her ex's hands but he does a good job
he's good at being in charge somehow wait hold on I don't know who so the gift to like remov Josephine from like
being a pain in the ass to everybody else was you get to walk AC the Alps yep congratulations but he want he
wanted to do that obviously okay the rest of us would be like no thank you
can I say in Paris please that'd be great it'd be awesome but he someone said another one of the
general said that little bastard scares me you know because he was so aggressive even at this time he wrote letters to
Josephine just telling her that he loved her you know all those things he won a bunch of battles there and he
was also really nice to the men at least at this point like he would talk to everybody he would say like who's the
bravest man here and he would like shake his hand you know things like that so the actual people doing the fighting you
know they liked him and they respected him because he respected them they saw that he was like someone who came from nothing and like worked his way up you
know doesn't it doesn't it blow you away like how incredibly little it would take it
certain junctures in history his to like stand out for anybody else like he was
he was just he didn't cut your hands off if you looked in the wrong way and they're like this guy's a saint like
we're GNA die for this guy it's kind of wild exactly and it's wild and you know
he his actions have consequences they're obviously like around the world but so many millions of people died because of
this you know and even toward the end there's people who are loyal to him and just like we don't know anything about
them you know all these people lost in the story but he stood out do you remember how Jon of Arc became Jon of
Arc I can't remember tell me again she was like in a room in the castle and she
was like I'm God's servant I'm here like ordained by God and the way I'm going to
prove it to you is I'm going to tell you who in this room is the king and she picked the king out in the room and they're like oh my God you are here from
God like it was it's like really like that's all it took
imagine like exactly that's I was thinking I was like imagine a guy in the corner being
like never guess she'll never guess it his eye and he's like wear your crown EXA she'll never guess the guy with the
Velvet [ __ ] droops on yeah so little he's like eating a eating a turkey leg
and like yeah just he's like he's like sitting on a chair made of [Laughter]
slaves who could it be I don't know oh my God that's so funny yeah exactly so yeah this dude
this little dude stands out and you know things that he did for his his people in
the Army like in they were living in the Alps which is freezing beautiful but cold and they hadn't been paid in years
so he would pay them things like that you know that made people really loyal to him like immediately and also this is
where he's really doing that new that new fighting style where he keeps fighting past the game of CH of chicken
and he's like chasing the austrians across the Alps in a way that they did not expect like this guy's nuts he
really wants to hurt us he's not joking exactly like exactly he's coming at you
he's on his like little horse and also oh yeah actually remind that reminded me
that this is where the famous painting of him like on the horse and the horse is like bucking up and he has his hat in
the air like this is from this area but in real life he rode like a little donkey over the Alps a it is adorable
that's so much cuter so so much cuter oh my goodness So eventually Josephine goes
to Italy she doesn't really want to but she does she gets
a palace and it's filled with flowers for her when she gets there so then she's like okay like I'll spend more
time with you Napoleon blah blah blah he stole a lot of Art From Italy and brought it back to Paris and it's a he
put it in a museum that was called like Museum Napoleon for a long time and now it's called the l so whoa he stole a
bunch of stuff and put it there and now he's part of the French government
things are not going really well because they're trying to figure out their government now that they've like gotten rid of the monarchy and the French
government is called the directory they're trying to just figure out what's next but they're but Napoleon and
Josephine are in Italy and they are trying to move East towards Austria kind of into
that into that area but first in 1998 they go to Egypt to start taking over um
in top of Africa so France is still at war with Britain he's trying to disrupt
their like the British cargo ships he just trying to like you know cause a lot of trouble down in in Egypt he captured
Alexandria then towards Cairo which did you ever see I hate to ask you questions
about movies but have you seen Patton with George Scott no you haven't
no it's great but the there's a part in in Patton where they're in North Africa
and Patton and raml are going up against each other and they like George C Scott
who I also just adore he's reading Patton's book like you know not no I'm sorry he's reading rl's book about tanks
and he's in a tank and he's so the first scene you see is that you see Patton the American General reading raml the Nazi
General's book about tanks and then the next scene is he's in a tank going towards raml and he's yelling damn it
raml I read your book it's amazing that's fun and so whatever I think of fighting in North Africa I think of that
which is you know simplifying it but I always think of that but they're in Egypt and the Egyptians had been part of
the Turkish Empire and they had these and the this is actually something that I want maybe should talk about later but
they had these um these Mooks Mook Warriors who were these like incredible
Warriors but they couldn't keep up with with Napoleon and his like stuff so there was a big battle in Cairo called
the battle of the pyramids and Napoleon won it in an hour so he was here during like a super exciting time in Egypt
because when they got there the Sphinx was buried up to its nose so they were doing a lot of stuff like figuring out
ancient Egyptian stuff and like bringing that information West for the first time obviously there was looting and stealing
and all those things but still like what an exciting time to be learning about Egypt also think about like how much cool [ __ ] like someone's great great
great ancestor like some guy probably living in Arkansas right now might have like the foot of the Sphinx like as a
bar St totally someone just like brought home and they just like had in their family yeah I'm sure yeah lots of lots
of looting um do have you heard that joke why are the Great Pyramids in in
Egypt um it's because they were too big to fit in the British museum yeah makes sense I get that y
um okay so Napoleon gets stuck in Egypt so
there's a Great British general called Horatio Nelson who I feel like is is very famous in his own right and he
destroyed a lot of the French ships so Napoleon got stuck in Egypt so that's where they would just like check out
Egyptian stuff you know colonialism all of that um guess what else has people found in Egypt at this time oh
mummies probably but found the Rosetta Stone wait that's a real thing that's a big deal the Rosetta Stone yeah it's the
stone that translates Egyptian hieroglyphics into like other languages so we finally knew what hieroglyphics
meant I seen it's in the I think it's in the British museum honestly I've seen it
there wow you're right I thought this was like one of those like like the shroud of tourin like a kind of
historical artifact but it could also be fake no I mean it's not magical but it's
God the British Museum of London I have seen it then I have seen
it there that's so funny um funny funny haa you know you know um so I also want
to mention right now that I don't know walking Phoenix personally but can you just imagine how insufferable he must
have been on the side of this movie I think he's insufferable normally exactly I just like can't wait
I think he's like constantly method acting I think it's supposed to been like I just can't imagine and I'm very excited to see this film that comes out
looks like it does fit his personality I will say like you couldn't really cast a
better Napoleon totally totally so yeah if
you've seen it anyone let us know what you think about the movie we'll see I'll see it eventually but I'm excited about
it so okay So eventually he gets out of Egypt and now he's going into turkey and
he's kind of failing as he tries to go up the Middle East and also then the plague comes and a lot
of his people die of the plague and so he ends up going back through Egypt and
on October 9th 1799 he gets back into France and the propaganda in France is
great for him they're like you know he's done all this cool [ __ ] in Egypt he's fought the British like people really
like him and they're really excited about having him back in France and Josephine is like I love this you know
like yeah I love this P this powerful little man now he came back and you know we did all this cool in Egypt and and
now I'm I'm really seeing the esteem that I feel like we deserve and so they had a talk that was like we should stop
having other lovers and Josephine never had another Lo lover but Napoleon
definitely did like a lot he had a couple children by wom How very Noble of
her to wait until he was a huge success
100% so but now now now they're like together together I guess and it is
November 9th 1799 and now it's time for a coup so he
wants to you know be in charge now so he goes into Paris he has a sword and he's
trying to take over Parliament and there's chaos so he comes into par into the French Parliament with his sword
everybody has a sword which is where I want to pause and talk about have you seen all the people physically fighting
in Congress these days fars uh I saw the senator from Oklahoma try to fight the
UAW chair or CEO oh my God and Bernie Sanders McCarthy punch wait what did he
do Bernie Sanders is a reason Like Bernie Sanders so apparently like the cater from Oklahoma like actually was
like a former professional fighter and the UAW president was like talking [ __ ]
about him and saying next time I see I'm G to bust your nose and all that and so this guy takes his jacket off stands up
and was like let's do it right here right now and then Bernie Sanders is like no no no you are Senator sit down
awesome I feel like if anyone can have a sword in it's gonna be Bernie Sanders let's give him a sword and nobody else
be okay with that like a droppy sword maybe it's a butter knife we should give them all butter knives Kevin did Kevin McCarthy punch
someone in the kidney seriously like in the hallway like sucker punched him in the kidney so funny I mean these guys
love it these these these dick wads so but now but imagine that that but like more fun
because everyone's dressed like Napoleon and everyone has a sword and Napoleon's brother Lucien is like he's not going to
do anything he doesn't have a sword but that was not true because he is and a whole bunch of stuff happens and then
when the coup is over there's a new triumvirate in France and Napoleon is
one of them obviously and obviously the trium triumverate is like a Roman thing
where three people are in charge yeah makes sense trium yeah yeah yeah so now
he is uh I guess he's backed across in the Alps he's still in the military kind of going around technically Europe is in
peace he's attacking Austria still trying to get that land He's 33 years old and he makes
himself First Council for life which is like of course why why wouldn't you just
make that your job and so he is kind of like the king he's in Triumph for it but
he's in charge he's now in charge of of France and it looks like he finally cuts his hair off around this time which is
for the best wait he shaves his hair or cut cut it off he cuts it like after in
the paintings of him he doesn't have that long weird hair anymore got it so he does a lot of like trust me
trust me I'm good at this like come on during this time he does some stuff in France there's you know like Liberty
equality the things that the Revolution was was yelling and he believes in in
equality but not really in Liberty you know he he wants it to be a meritocracy meritocracies are [ __ ] of course but
he thinks he wants it to be a meritocracy he's like you know we all can be equal but also I'm in charge you know right it's like you're not free but
you can do whatever you want and he puts together a Napoleonic civil code which is actually still in use in France which
is like about equality as on it as its own thing he's not very religious he
made Catholicism the main religion but he didn't really care he said religion is excellent for keeping the Common
People quiet he also said that religion is um you know BR this is not a direct
quote but religion you know makes people think of heaven and ideas of equality which saves the rich from being
massacred by the poor which is fair because yeah it's a good point you know
so Liberty was not something he wanted but equality yes and he's 34 now but he
wants to be a king he he wants to be more than just this you know First Council for life so in may8 on May 18th
1804 Napoleon is crowned emperor of France at the age of 35 he is crowned in
notredam and he invited the pope but he didn't have the pope crown him he
literally crowned himself it's like a big ceremony he walks down the aisle picks up the crown and puts it on his
own head which I like 35 is like I mean I mean I know that people age faster
back then but that's kind of impressive it's young man no yeah they didn't age
that much faster you know and have gotten there at nine you know and then like you
know he's you know a little bit later he's you know the emperor of France which wasn't even a job until like he
created it you know and then he yeah and so he made Josephine empress and all of his brothers and sisters got jobs and
also do you remember when NRE Dame caught on fire a couple years ago
yeah it was really sad and I remember yeah and I remember talking to someone who was like it's just a building but I'm like it's not just a building you
know it's a big I think you were talking to me was it you I mean I just I
remember I know you didn't see this but the movie Monuments Men from a long time ago with like you know what Taylor I
actually did see that movie damn it did you really I did unbelievable it so
I I watched it on my way home from Italy when I was pregnant and I cried the entire time because like that stuff's
important you know art is important buildings are important this is how we can visualize and see our history and
the fact that Napoleon crowned himself emperor in Notre Dame is a big [ __ ] deal and I'd be sad if it was gone is M
it's back I think it's here I mean it's fine right so
anyway I just wanted to say after that that I cannot express enough that he crowned himself just
unbelievable wait so he literally picked the crown of put on his own head
yes well I mean it's amazing if you're the emperor do whatever the [ __ ] you want exactly so he's the emperor
Josephine's Empress they're in charge and you know he's doing a ton of stuff with his with his army he calls it the
Grand Army the grand arm and the Army is going everywhere so Austria and Russia
have headed towards France to back up Britain so he's fighting Austria Russia Prussia Britain and he's trying to move
out from France his army is you know dressed really nice and they walk 30
miles a day to like get to where they need to go to be able to like expand their you know where they their Rule and
you know nothing that Napoleon does is not on purpose so he wears his hat so he stands out but he wears the same outfits
as everybody else to be like I am still one of you he's still there riding with them he would go to sleep at 8:00 at
night sleep for a few hours and then wake up and start working like in the middle of the night so he was like constantly like just like he didn't
sleep a lot he didn't he treated himself the way that he treated them can I a lot of the time I'm going to ask something
that's probably going to sound really dumb let's see if I know the answer I'm gonna try what was going on in world history
like is this just one of those things where like Britain and France from time and Memorial until the
end of civilization are always going to just hate each other and be a war or was this in terms of like expansion of the
Empire or were they being like what what was he doing that's a good question so
it is yes Britain and France are always going to hate each other I don't think they do right now but like given the
opportunity they would definitely fight it is The Enlightenment I actually drew
a timeline on my mirror in my office so I could like try to look at it it's the Enlightenment and it's also the
revolution so Napoleon lives at the same time as Katherine the Great Maran tette George Washington you know this is the
time and other episod that we've done it's the time of the Acadian cadians it's time that you know America starts
and we have our first vice president it's the time of mutiny in the Bounty it's the at the very end of this time is
like when Tambora erupts and the shellies and all this like art is happening but it's a revolutionary time this is when you know the United States
has just been formed they're trying to figure out what to do with the rest of America and we're going to kind of talk about that a little bit later but you
know there's westward expansion in America so that revolution has inspired
revolutions across Europe including the French Revolution like lafayette's around during this time he's still
around so that's that's what's happening it's people being like we want to have our own like republics we want to be
more in charge but by that I mean like rich people want to be more in charge they don't want to have a king anymore
so it's interesting that somehow Napoleon kind of makes himself a king pretty [ __ ] quickly you know but it's
like that it's that's what's happening okay I I would assume that people are
like like who's going to get in your way when you're like the most Fearless like Warrior and you're actually doing the fighting yeah it's like Cal you're not
gonna like run at him with the sword yeah absolutely so he
is moving towards Vienna that's in Austria there's some battles um
incidentally Beethoven hates him and he had dedicated a symphony to him and then crossed his name out because he did
wanted to undedicated to him which is funny it's Petty I have another joke do you want to hear a funny joke
yes yes so um I was actually in Austria recently and I was helping a team exume
the body of Beethoven and as we dug up the we dug up his grave and opened up
his casket and he was in there and he was just like a skeleton and he had all of this um all of these papers all this
composition around him and he was erasing it and erasing it and erasing it and we said Beethoven what are you doing
and he said I'm decomposing
that's pretty good that's pretty good did you come up with that yourself Taylor no I feel like my dad told me
that when I was very young but it's still funny it works it'll work forever
the thank you thank you thank you so there's a whole bunch of battles that
are going to happen in Napoleon's lifetime that you could write I'm sure there's books about all of these you
know individually but it's 1805 it's cold it's always it's going to be cold from on in the story there's a big
battle there's Battle of aitz which was you know a huge famous battle that I will not get into but he has he's
Victorious and in this battle you know 20,000 people died it was pretty it was
terrible and he wrote a letter to Josephine and was like I'm a little tired you know he's kind of getting his
head's getting bigger and bigger and bigger I would so he's yeah so he's in
Berlin he goes through Prussia and he all this time he's saying like Liberty equality is for everyone but Liberty is
for the upper class for the smart people you know so he has he's in charge of who's in charge
and he still wants this like Spirit of Revolution like you just asked that question like you know revolutionary Spirit but he's still in charge he makes
his family you know have these roles that they're not qualified for his brother Louie is the king of Holland his
brother Joseph is the king of Naples his brother Jerome is the king of Westfalia which is part of Prussia and his
sister Caroline is a queen she's the one who discovered Pompei not discovered it but did a lot of the excavations in
Pompei that we talked about oh yeah I remember this his sister remember she like had them she had them dig the outer
wall of Pompei to figure out how big it was before she was out of power which is pretty cool yeah his sister Pauline was
a princess his sister Alicia was a duchess and he called his mom Madame mayor and kind of give her whatever she
wanted there's a great painting of her with him as like a CL classical bust with like a laurel wreath on wreath on
his head behind her it's a lot so you know sure she was proud of him so
meanwhile he's you know sleeping around he has some Mistresses just you know
whatever he's still married Josephine but Josephine is 46 and you know what
she can't do babies babies and you know what kind is particularly that he wants probably a
lot of lot of girls right no he needs a boy that's that's it
that's the thing because now he knows I know he wants it to be you know now he
wants his son to be the next Emperor duh of course that was going to happen
so he is so this is kind of like a a meanwhile section that is you know
several two paragraphs that you know millions of people died during these two paragraphs but he goes to Russia you
know you know what I mean and he meets um thear Alexander who's the the grandson of Katherine the Great and he
like loves him he's like let's be friends let's fight the English there's like a painting of them like hugging he
wrote to someone if Alexander were a woman I'd make him my mistress which I think is also like that's weird people
like yeah but I think he might have also meant like I could control this guy in two seconds you know like he's not
someone that I'm really worried about oh interesting okay that's not how I interpreted it
but well yeah other people well there also a drawing of them like saying which they didn't like make out but you know
right right so he's you know he's he's trying to to get parts of Russia get Russia to be on his side he definitely
wants to fight Britain and meanwhile there's stuff happening in other parts of the world like I just said in the US
there's Westward Expansion there's a Louisiana Purchase there's stuff happening with Spain and Mexico and parts of California there's stuff
happening in New Zealand New Zealand is worried that Napoleon's coming for them but he's like I literally don't care I'm not coming there but there
New Zealand British thing happening yeah but um in New Zealand at this time is
also the rum Rebellion which is when where captain blly from the Mutiny on the bouty had his second Mutiny and he
had to go back to England because he was a terrible leader there's also Spain so he imagines
he's going to go into Spain and be like Liberty woohoo free us free us from Superstition let's go and the Spanish
were like no we don't want any of that and so the Spanish people along with the Army really fought Napoleon's Army
there's a really famous painting um by Goya called the third of May 1808 that has Napoleon's troops killing a a man
just like a farmer and it really shows the you know kind of like the terror of
regular people getting killed by these troops so that was a big deal um during this time the Spanish what they were
doing was the first time anyone was doing gorilla Warfare against a big army Taylor this is when where that term
started I'm going to cut you off for a second there's going to be some synchronicities in our stories and the
more you talk the more I'm like damn we have like we're getting like a little
bit overlapping but we'll we'll get to it I was just smidge worried that you were going to do Napoleon because I was
like we have to do Napoleon this week because of the movie coming out but at least you didn't do that I didn't do that but there is some
synchronicity okay so anyway girl War Spain Napoleon's like [ __ ] you guys I'm going to do it myself he thinks he can
do no wrong at this point like imagine now now he's now he's a little tiny body with a huge head with the crown on it
and he divorces Josephine at this time because he needs to have that son one of
the ways that she found out that they were divorced is they had you know how like in this
time you have like your rooms and your wife has her rooms and you see each other once in a while at night right he
bricked up the door between their rooms and she's like I guess he doesn't love me anymore I guess we're divorced God
that's awesome that's like when people find out they got fired because they can't log into their email exactly it's
exactly like that and it's so um terrible but I'm imagining like in the
middle of the night she opens the door and like bangs into the brick and it's like [ __ ] [ __ ] it finally
happened and but he loved her and he's like he has to have a boy this time they
it sounds like they love each other and I mean he didn't kill her that's good you know but he didn't he didn't kill
her he didn't kill any of his Partners no he visited her at like a palace and
they held hands and he told her how much he cared for her and then they never saw each other again so it was like she was
sad he ended up marrying um a woman named Marie Louise she was the daughter
of the emperor of Austria she didn't really want to marry him but her dad was like come on like this guy's in charge
of France now you should marry him him they were hopss which is like you know obviously a big deal and honestly like I
feel like marrying Napoleon is pretty great because at least you get some new blood in that line probably yeah less
than breeding at least at least they're not related as far as hburg go but
eventually she actually does really like him and they have a baby it's like Napoleon II Napoleon calls him the king
of Rome he will have like a painting of the baby with him in battles and show
people be like look at look at how exciting this is and they're kind of like we're in the middle of something boss but he still wants people he's
still is just very excited so a lot of stuff is happening in Europe e I wrote
lots of economy stuff so you're welcome for that lots of lots of other shit's happening but in the meantime it's
1812 and Napoleon wants to go to Russia and what's the one main thing we know
about Russia can't be defeated you can't invade Russia yeah no because it's [ __ ] cold [ __ ] and you cannot get
there you cannot walk into Russia it's impossible and the people the people they fight
they fight back more than the Spanish more than he ever imagined they would people in Russia like they leave Moscow
when he gets to Moscow finally after fighting peasants and people who have burned down their own farms and killed
their own animals so the French can't have them he gets to Moscow and it's like weirdly quiet and he's like what's
going on and someone goes in and they're like it's empty there's no one here they people just abandoned Moscow and they
started burning it down on their way out it was made of wood you know like you know this is part of this happens in war
in peace where you know they just let Moscow burn and so they get there and they're like
well we have to leave because the city's on fire and they probably could have stayed actually and they've been okay
but they they leave because they're afraid because it's on fire so first
though they plunder every [ __ ] thing they can so there's these people who have these stories of like you know
going to a square in Moscow and there's a fire but in the fire are these like beautiful Russian sofas and doors and
statues and carvings and the the men are covered in like beautiful draperies that
are like you know hundreds of years old and all these things because they're just like pillaging and trying to bring home as much as they can as well so
they're like you know trading for like gold for jackets and they're drinking
all the good liquor and like you know all the things that you do when you like plunder a town of course and yeah of
course they do and they're starting to so they have to leave though because it's on fire so they start walking home
winter arrives early it gets to like 22 degrees below zero just
like unbelievable cold and they're walking and they're like you know kind of covered in tapestries but like
walking and as you walked you would see like mounds of snow where people have just fallen and died and just been
buried by the snow and they're eating their horses and in both the book in the
documentary I watched they call horse meat horse flesh which like feels worse
yeah I don't know why and they're still being attacked by like peasants and people on their way out and he on
December 5th Napoleon has to go back faster to France so he kind of abandons his troops and goes back on like a sled
to get there faster he told someone at all times he's One Step between the sublime and the
ridiculous so this didn't work he took 600,000 men to Russia and 93,000 came
back so yeah a lot of people died um also there's a Dan Carlin on
called ghost of the O front about when the Nazis tried to do this you can't do it you can't walk into Russia I will
give Hitler some I mean the guy had balls he was fighting a two front war
and one of those fronts was to invade Russia which is insane
yeah which is what Napoleon is trying to do and he just like can't do it so now even Austria is mad at Napoleon
everyone's mad because you know a lot of people have are dying and it's just been a war for like 20 years and his Austria
fights him which he's surprised by because the Austrian King is his father-in-law you know but still
Austria's like no we can't can't keep doing this he says goodbye to his family and he says don't worry like
everything's going to be okay Grandpa's going to get over this you know to his son and he he separates from his family
and he goes back into Paris on March 22nd 1814 and Paris is actually taken
back by like a new a new group of revolutionaries and they want Napoleon gone and he renounces his throne on
April 12th 1814 his wife wanted to see him but she never would see him again they took she
would I think she went back to Austria they they don't see each other again they say that he tried to die by Suicide
but it didn't work like he poured powder into his mouth but whatever that was it didn't kill him and he still has like
some loyal Soldiers with their white pants and their big hats and they go with him to Elba where he's Exiles
remember this no so how Nero's mom was
exiled the whole point is like being exiled is sounds really nice these guys
it's not like he was put into prison there was a beautiful Villa on this beautiful island that is between Corsica
and Italy so it's in this beautiful part of the world and there's 13,000 peasants
who live on the island I feel like when I heard he was exiled to an island I imagined him like Napoleon and palm tree
I always picture I always picture like um that movie papalon you know where the
exiling is like a crazy mountainous region that is impossible to escape and
has no resources I don't think I've seen that but that's what I picture as well SE
mqueen SE mqueen and Dustin Hoffman are in it oh interesting a very very young
Dustin Hoff yeah I bet but yeah exactly you imagine Exile
is rough but this doesn't sound rough he still has supporters he still has some like army guys there's 13,000 people
living there so he makes himself the emperor of the aisle of Elba and kind of takes charge of all the people living there of course he does um he makes he
actually does some good stuff he builds roads he um schedules garbage pickup around the island kind of cleans it up
gives the people some structure he tells them that they have to stop sleeping more than five people in a bed because
they're like peasants they're poor it's like a ridiculous place and he just like tries to modernize it a little bit and
while he's there Josephine dies so he's he Mourns her he he hears that she dies and I don't even know how she dies but
she dies and meanwhile in France King Louis VI 18th is the King again he's the
brother of the Dead one and um also I know I told you this but a reminder that Alexander in Russia was cathine the
Great's grandson so a lot of people that we know who are related to other people we've talked about about this time but
in 1818 Napoleon sneaks out of Elba he's bored he has a lot of people with him
and so they just like get a boat somehow and by the time they get to Paris like they don't even have any they don't know
that he's there they like hear that he left Elba by the time they hear that he's already in Paris you know and he
comes back and Louis the 18th flees Paris because he's like oh [ __ ] I gotta
get out of here because this little guy's coming for me and it's easy you know relatively easy
for Napoleon to come back and be in charge again because things are crazy you know Britain Russia and Prussia are
fighting the French Louis the 18th is not a very strong Monarch so he's doing all of these um so he's it's easier for
him to come back and be like I'm in charge again now Taylor have you seen pictures of
Elba yes isn't it beautiful it is gorgeous put me there lock me up like
just give me give me a knife and like some like like matches and leave me
there I'll be fine yeah 100% it's so nice so but he is back in Paris back in
charge now he has more armies and then he does one of his
big in 1818 one of his big famous battles is the batter Battle of waterl
and that's the water slide one from Bill and headed right the Duke of Wellington is waiting for him so the Duke of
Wellington it's against France and Prussia and Russia the Duke of Wellington is waiting for Napoleon in
the PBS documentary a very very British man like one of the most British people you could possibly imagine says the Duke
of Wellington is like impossibly British it's pretty funny he's like boring and pompous and tall and like so imagine an
impossibly British person calling someone impossibly British that's how British the Duke of Wellington is and
the Battle of waterl is on June 18th 1818 it's sunny but it rained all day
the day before so it's like wet there's like puddles and everyone everyone is wet Napoleon didn't attack in the
morning he waited until the afternoon and there's a bunch of people trying to figure out why you know like what was
his strategy was he waiting for it to get dry like the the British troops and all these other troops are waiting for
him to attack they're expecting him to and he doesn't for a while and so this is where I want to
mention my friend Dan Carlin he has an episode that is history Under the
Influence which is times when world leaders were probably really [ __ ] up on like drugs and alcohol wait this a
podcast yeah it's like a it's called yeah it's called history under the influence you can buy it on his website
and then like download it it's not like available it's like $2 you have to buy it on his website but he talks about
things like you know how Hitler was on meth the whole time which explains a lot of his like super erratic Behavior how
JFK was on so many pain pills also on amfetamines that you know sometimes JFK
would work from bed all day because he was in so much pain and how like during the Cuban Missile Crisis he was pretty
[ __ ] up and we're pretty lucky that we're not all dead you know it yeah and
so the big the big one in in that podcast is Alexander the Great does a bunch of crazy things but he probably because he was like a raging alcoholic
and was probably drunk a lot of the time same with Winston Churchill but in this in Dan's research for this
he read something that suggests that the night before the Battle of waterl Napoleon took a dose of of opium to be
able to fall asleep and he wasn't able to wake up and he was still like really foggy in the morning so he potentially
could have won this battle if he had been sharper and been like up earlier but he wasn't maybe because he took some drugs the night before
well which is interesting so Napoleon had his like Napoleonic
guard who were like the people who were like the strongest and the bravest of all of his men and they went out and
fought against the Russians and the prussians and the British and they ended up getting all they ended up retreating
the guard did which like made everybody scared because they're like we can't believe the guard is retreating so everybody kind of ran away and um they
lost that battle but it was by a hair the Duke of Willington was like I cannot believe that we that we won so if Napolean had been
sharper he definitely would have won you know [ __ ] up so
now he abdicates his throne again he's like okay how about I go to London and
they're like absolutely Ely not are you out of your mind like why on Earth would Britain take you so they sent him to
another island called St Helena which is like a fortress with very few people and
he that's where he ends up being he was only 46 the second time he was exiled I mean on the second time you had
exiled like you should have stay in El stuck I know it would have been nice it
could have left me like really old but he one question that I have that I I put
to the internet that I didn't really get a satisfying answer for is like why didn't they just kill him you know uh
usually in those situations is it's because the the support of the lower
classes of the person is so high that killing him would cause either an
uprising or martyr him or something along those lines that's true I think
would have murdered him that makes sense because I'm like they just killed King Louis the 16th but I guess no that was lower class right the lower classes were
like we also want him dead yeah [ __ ] this guy that makes sense yeah so while he was on St Helena he wrote his
autobiography he wrote a book about Julius Caesar of course he just like hung out he died at the age of 51 in
1821 he died of um probably like stomach cancer when they opened him up to do an
autopsy his stomach was full of like tumors and things so they think that
that is what ended up killing him he whispered as he was dying he whispered France Army
Josephine his death bed were his last words and he said there's no immortality
but the memory that is left in the minds of men which is true because we were talking about him and this big movie is
about to come out you know so his body was brought back to Paris
and taken through the streets and it said that even then people were yelling Viva the Emperor as he his body got
taken through the streets so he still had people who were loyal to him yeah that's why they through the end yeah
totally makes sense and so yeah so I'm that that's it I you know did the
smallest amount of research humanly possible to do this and there was still a lot of research and people dedic lives to this so I'm looking forward to seeing
the movie to you know learning a little bit more because I want to learn more about like the person that he was and a
lot of the why like he was very motivated but like Ultra motiv
you know what I mean not like a normal person like crazy which is why we know about him and why talking about him so
yeah could have taken a chill pill could have taken a chill pill um that's interesting I'm yeah I'm
definitely going to see the movie it is one of those I love those period pieces It's Like Gladiator and all them which also had walking Phoenix yeah um but
those were always really fascinating what is hard to kind of decipher though is like the editing part of it of like
how do you choose a section of someone's life to to cover because like if yeah good question cover the whole thing if
you're like here's Napoleon's biography it's like okay well we don't have 37 hours to watch a biopic like that so how
do you take someone who's done so many crazy things and condense their life in like two hours you know absolutely and
you know what actually that reminds me I didn't watch this but my friend Karen recommended and our friend Wes found on
the internet this a movie from the 1920s a silent film about Napoleon that's 7
hour long yeah tracks I mean it's supposed to be amazing like I don't have
seven hours to watch it but I definitely want to watch some of it but Karen said she was like I was enthralled in like the seven hours of the silent movie so
like like to your point like we need more time to talk about this person there's more in there it feels like a do
nothing Sunday activity absolutely so nice I wish I had one of
those yeah yeah I feel you um sweet well thanks for sharing Taylor we are going
to await with baited breath the release of the Napoleon Movie um and that's a
perfect thing to do if you want to get away from your family during the Thanksgiving holidays Napoleon comes out on Wednesday on Thursday afternoon be
like I'm done I'm done with socializing I'm done with hearing Uncle Bill's
theories on politics uh let's go see exctly that's a great idea it a great
Thanksgiving activity I love it yes yes uh sweet is there anything else we need
to discuss before we close this out and rejoin on Wednesday yeah I actually I put all of
our merch on sale it's 25% off to now through November 28th
so FYI now is the time if you want to buy someone a doom to fil mug or a t-shirt for the holidays let's do it we
are going to be millionaires can't wait I can't wait either please go buy buy something
or you know what even if you don't buy something just tell someone to listen to this podcast like grab their phone if
you have a significant other grab their phone subscribe them to the podcast and
we would just as much appreciate that please do we would love it find us on
the internet at Doom toil pod on all of the social medias and send us an email dood gmail.com which reminds me fars I
found a vulcanologist to talk to no so I was like okay what who do I know
so I went on LinkedIn and I know someone who worked with my brother-in-law and
he's like we're actually really close and he went to school for being a vulcanologist and also my brother-in-law does not listen to this which is why he
doesn't know I was looking for a vulcanologist but I'm gonna ask him some questions and I'm really excited so I
have that coming too that is incredible so if you have a question for vist everyone send us an email and we'll
relay it to the one that we meet I'm excited volcanoes
work um no we already learned that's that our question yeah right right it' be hilarious tell me is a volcano what
is a volcano um looking forward to that Taylor thanks
for sharing this one um and yeah I'll go ahead and cut this off and rejoin
everyone on Wednesday also wait let let me yell one more thing a what your slide Triumph
Napoleon okay thank you
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